SEXUAL IDENTITIES

GUTS readers share how they define themselves, and what turns them on

December 3, 2014

In the leadup to our soon-to-be-released third issue, we launched an anonymous sex survey. We wanted to hear from you about your experiences with sex, your thoughts and feelings and your best stories. And you told us! We’re so grateful for all the incredible, honest answers we’ve received, please keep them coming. The survey is still up and running, and there’s lots of time left to submit. We received so many great answers to this question that we’re breaking them up into parts. This is Part One, check back for Part Two and answers to the other questions.

We wanted to preserve your voices and the spirit of your answers, so we haven’t edited any of the responses. Here’s what we asked you to do:

Talk about your sexual identity—what you like, what makes you feel wanted, and what that’s all about.

  • I’m a queer femme woman. My primary partner is a cis man and I like sleeping with other femmes & women sometimes too. I like tenderness in sex and I also like kink and power play, and I love combining the two. I love being told how much my partner likes being with me, how good it feels to touch me, how beautiful I am. I like being a princess and feeling how pleasurable and powerful it is to be desired.
  • I really want to be wanted by the people I want.
  • I like when sex is full of giggling, fuck ups, experiments, wrestling, kissing everywhere. I don’t really experience sex as feeling wanted or wanting, but as play that happens because the space is there, and that “good sex” or “bad sex” is just a degree to which the collaboration was poetic/productive, like good passing in team sports, but without the stakes and competition and with tonnes of compassion.

I really want sex to become recreational in that way, like there would be beer league sex like there is soccer or hockey.

  • I don’t feel like I have a sexual identity. I’m just a mild chick who likes sex. Sometimes when I think too much about being/feeling sexy I feel like I’m just mimicking something I’ve seen in a porno. I don’t feel like there’s anything wrong with that, but it’s just not me and I guess that might be why I don’t feel like I don’t have a picture of myself in my head.
  • I’m a lesbian, I tend to like women who are generally somewhat “feminine” in appearance. During sex I feel I derive the most pleasure from feeling like I have caused pleasure in my partner.
  • I identify and present as a straight-ish woman, but I’m not certain I actually like dudes that much. I like some particular ones very much, and I’ve only had boyfriends, but I’m so turned off by a lot of forms of masculinity that it’s rare that I’m actually attracted to a man. I really like cocks, though.
  • i don’t feel that drawn to any words or language specifically to describe my sexuality, but for the sake of conversation, i would say i’m queer. with a lower-case q. lowercase everything.
  • I’ve always been very comfortable with my sexuality. Ever since I was a teen I’ve always been very open about my sexuality and masturbation. I was never afraid to tell a man if something they were doing was not right for me and I have never been shy to say what I like. I’m not sure where I got this confidence in my sexuality because I am insecure about myself in a lot of other ways. Even though Im confident in my sexuality, the idea of seeing myself engage in a sexual act (whether on film or in a mirror) embarrasses me.

I’m not sure why I can’t marry the two images of myself, everyday self vs. sexual self.

  • I identify as straight and I am married to a wonderful man, but I also have always found women very attractive. The idea of actually engaging in sexual activity with a woman is intimidating and besides kissing, have never engaged in sexual activity with a woman. I like that my partner is always turned on by my naked body. I am very insecure about my body, but knowing that he finds me often intoxicating makes me feel really good. The part of my body that he finds most attractive is what I’m most embarrassed which helps my self esteem.
  • I have always had a strong vibrant sexual identity. I never let shame or stereotypes define who i am. I never tried to hide my size or personality. Men love it and know who they are loving from the start.
  • I identify as bisexual though I don’t talk about it much. This is not at all because of shame–I’ll happily talk about it if it comes up but I live primarily as a straight person. I don’t regret any choice I’ve made. The way I see it, I can love or feel attracted to anyone and I do. As a woman, I (coincidentally?) find I’m attracted less frequently to women and that is probably why I’ve never had an actual relationship with one. Maybe I will one day–Maybe I won’t.
  • Well, my gender is mostly female, my sexual orientation is “conceivably any consenting adult,” and my sexual experience is that of a gold-star asexual.

I’m lucky if a girl doesn’t tell me I’m going to hell or a guy doesn’t ask whether I’ll have a threesome with him and his girlfriend. And so far, I haven’t been all that lucky.

  • I’m a cisgender female that gets off on performative sex. As someone in a longterm relationship with frequent internal pain, I’m not necessarily “in the mood” as often as I would have expected when I was younger, but make out with me in public or fuck me while your roommates are home and that’ll do it for me. In general, I’m a tactile person, but, when it comes to doing the deed, I don’t want cuddly sex; I want to be fuuucked.
  • I am a feminist so in my heterosocial interactions I like to take up space, be heard, not have my opinions or thoughts demeaned. However

I’m oh so sexually submissive. Group sex appeals to me so much; being smothered. It catches partners off guard, so talking about things beforehand is so so important.

  • I am a celibate, virgin, single, heterosexual female who is content being single right now and not actively searching for a male partner.  I would not oppose finding a partner in the future but for right now I work out my sexual identity by becoming to be at home in my own body and sexuality.  I love to dance and to take hot baths with sensuous and sensual body salts.  I believe we all have a sexual part of us that needs to be affirmed and to be listened to; it needs a voice too just like every part of ourselves.  I strive to find a way to let that part be heard, healed and loved.  Getting professional massage and sending loving messages to myself are a part of affirming and loving that sexual part of myself.
  • I believe the technical term for my sexual identity is Power Bottom.

I want to tell you what to do, but I want you to be the boss of me.

  • I’m mostly into men, but I also have had some experiences with women which were really great. In the act, I generally like a lot of communication, someone asking me what I like is super hot. And someone telling me what they want is also really great (and helpful!). I find this especially important with new sexual partners–I definitely can’t get off if I’m thinking about whether or not the person I’m sexing is feeling right! I also love lighthearted sex–I like laughing, biting, tickling, pinching, joking, trying out new positions. But also

sometimes I just want to be serious. Sometimes I want to be fucked.

  • I believed for a long time that I was heterosexual, and now I know that’s not true.  Women turn me on more than anything, and it’s funny to remember how lesbian sex used to be this mystery to me, this thing that “other” women understood and engaged in.  I like lips, I like fingers, I like curves.  I like laughing and shrieking and rolling around, and massage and razzberries and cuddling.  I like being with a woman who loves her body the way it is.  I like being with a woman who doesn’t want to possess me, who just wants to be playful and affectionate with me.
  • I am a woman who has sex mostly with men. I love kissing both men and women.

I love lips mouths teeth tongues. I love staring at a mouth in anticipation. being listened to makes me feel wanted. and someone watching my mouth when I talk pretty much does it too.

  • i am a queer identified feminist cis woman. my sexual identity has always been informed by women and the women identified. in later years, this has opened up to be inclusive of those who identify differently, and i choose on a more  individual basis, but i do not believe that this will ever include the cis male form. i believe that queer identity exists under the policing of society. i am venerated as an object in the media, my sexual identity is present in television, on the internet and my political is personal for a lot of voices. i am thankful for this. i feel beautiful in the arms of my feminist lovers who are willing to talk, be political and make space for other voices. feminism is very important in my sexual identity; it is where my core beliefs intersect with my sexual nature.

 


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